Humorous Quotes

Prepare
"It usually takes me two or three weeks to prepare an impromptu speech." - Mark Twain
12 in. x 18 in.
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A Little Beer is a Dangerous Thing
"A little beer is a dangerous thing." Alexander Pope
12 in. x 18 in.
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Framed   Mounted

Best Things 2
"The best things in life aren't things."
[Art Buchwald]
20 in. x 16 in.
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I Never Drink Water; That is the Stuff That Rusts
"Pipes
"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes."
W.C. Fields
19.75 in. x 28.75 in.
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Lawsuit
"A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."
- Ambrose Bierce
18 in. x 12 in.
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A Woman's Guess
"A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty."
- Rudyard Kipling
12 in. x 16 in.
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Age is an Issue of Mind over Matter
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain
12 in. x 16 in.
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A Rich Man is Nothing
"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."
- W.C. Fields
12 in. x 16 in.
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A Good Cigar
"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke."
- Rudyard Kipling
12 in. x 16 in.
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Thinking Alike
"If everyone is thinking alike then somebody isn't thinking."
- George S. Patton, Jr.
16 in. x 20 in.
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Framed   Mounted

Patience
"I'm extraordinarily patient provided I get my way in the end."
- Margaret Thatcher
16 in. x 20 in.
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Framed   Mounted

Peter's Laws
The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive
1. If anything can go wrong, Fix It!! (To hell with Murphy!)
2. When given a choice -- Take Both!!
3. Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
4. Start at the top then work your way up.
5. Do it by the book ... but be the author!
6. When forced to compromise, ask for more.
7. If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them.
8. If it's worth doing, it's got to be done right now.
9. If you can't win, change the rules.
10. If you can't change the rules, then ignore them.
11. Perfection is not optional.
12. When faced without a challenge, make one.
13. "No" simply means begin again at one level higher.
14. Don't walk when you can run.
15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity,
and a bulldozer when necessary.
16. When in doubt: THINK!
17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
18. The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
19. The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live.
20. The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself!
- Peter H. Diamandis
22 in. x 28 in.
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You Are Only Young Once
(magnet)
"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indifinitely!"
- Ogden Nash
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True Friends
"True friends stab you in the front."
- Oscar Wilde

Two Things
"Two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way, and second - let her have it."
- Lyndon B. Johnson

The Most Wasted Of Days
"The most wasted of all days is one with out laughter."
- E. E. Cummings

Life Is Short
"Life is short. Eat dessert first."
- Jacques Torres

Too Much
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!"
- Mae West

Just Words
"Young. Old. Just words."
- George Burns

Normal People
"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."
- Joe Ancis

Mistakes
(magnet)
"Always make new mistakes."
- Esther Dyson
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Life
(magnet)
"Life is too important to be taken seriously!"
- Oscar Wilde
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Rain
(magnet)
"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet!"
- Roger Miller
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Growing Old
(magnet)
"Growing old is not for sissies."
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Growing Old
(magnet)
"Growing old is not for sissies."
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Whatever Women Do
(magnet)
"Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, that is not difficult."
- Charlotte Whitton
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Peace
(magnet)
"Peace. Back by popular demand."
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W.W.B.D.?
(magnet)
"What would Buddah do?"
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Keep Going
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill

End of Your Rope
"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
- Wilferd Peterson